5 Misconceptions About Healthy Love

From Hollywood rom-coms to sappy love songs, we're constantly bombarded with mixed messages about what love should look like. These portrayals often create more confusion than clarity.

With love, the stakes are high.

If we don’t have the right expectations about love, we set ourselves up for disappointment and heartbreak. That’s why I want to identify a few misconceptions about love, which are especially prevalent in my clients who have Primal Question 3: Am I loved?

5 Misconceptions About Healthy Love

1.Love is like a Hollywood Movie

One of the biggest misconceptions about love is that it should look like a Hollywood movie.

We expect grand gestures, constant passion, and never-ending happiness. But as psychologist Robert Johnson brilliantly puts it, "Good love is like a bowl of oatmeal.” That doesn’t sound like something you would see on the Hallmark channel, but it’s true. It's not chocolate cake. It’s nourishing. It’s warm. It's comforting. It feels good, but it's also not over the top. It's not Hollywood.

2.Love is a Cure-All

Another common misconception is that love is a cure-all for our problems.

We think that if we just find the right person, everything in our lives will fall into place. But the reality is, love isn't an answer to all your problems. It's a part of a healthy life, but it's not the only thing we need. Love is a component of health in our own lives and in relationships, but it is not like a one-stop shop to solve all problems.

3.Love is a Feeling

Many people believe that love is a feeling, something that happens to us.

The truth is, love is an action. It requires effort, choice, and commitment. It's not just about saying "I love you," but about showing up and doing the work, day after day. Love requires physical effort. It requires physical touch, acts of service, and self-sacrifice. It's not just lip service or fuzzy feelings.

4.Love is a Gas, Not a Solid

We often think of love as this ethereal, esoteric feeling that we can't quite grasp.

But love is not a gas. It's a solid. It's tangible, real, and has weight. It's not just a fleeting emotion, but a conscious decision and a way of being. Love is very tangible. It should look real. It’s clear. It has data attached to it.

5.Love Means Never Having Fear

Another misconception is that when you operate in love, you shouldn't have any fear.

The reality is, love is not the absence of fear. Love is an action and a willingness to wrestle with the fear that arises when we move toward increased intimacy and vulnerability. Healthy love doesn’t mean certainty or lack of fear. It's about welcoming the fear and wrestling with it, letting love win, even if fear is still present.

Redefining Love in Your Life

How can you start redefining love in your own life?

Begin by examining your beliefs about love. Are you holding onto any of these misconceptions? Are you willing to put in the effort and make the tough choices that genuine love requires?

Remember, love is not a destination. Love is a practice. It's something you do.

It's about showing up, day after day, and choosing to act with compassion, presence, and vulnerability. It's about surrendering your ego and being open to growth and learning.

This week, I challenge you to identify one misconception about love that you've been holding onto.

Take a moment to reflect on how this belief has impacted your relationships and your own personal growth. Then, take one small step towards embracing a healthier version of love.

As always, I'm rooting for you on this journey of growth and self-discovery.

Remember, you have the power to create the life and love you truly desire – not the Hollywood fantasy, but the real thing. The kind that’s nourishing and transformative.

Thanks for reading,

Mike Foster