How to Transform Lives as a Coach or Counselor

That’s what we’re all here for, right?

As coaches and counselors, we want to help people. We want to be heart healers and restorers. We want to be the type of people who meet others in their mess with the tools to make it better.

But so often, that’s not what happens after our sessions.

Instead, it goes something like this.

You meet with a client. They’re motivated. They’re excited. They want to change.

Week after week, you help them talk through their problems and process their emotions, but a few months go by, and you both realize nothing has changed.

It’s easy to spiral from here.

Thinking it’s your fault. Questioning your abilities as a coach. Wondering if you really have what it takes. Asking yourself…

“Why do my clients stay stuck despite my best efforts?”

I’ve been there.

You try to work harder. Order more books. Learn new tools and frameworks.

The world of coaching can be confusing. It’s easy to get lost in all the different concepts. I’m here to tell you, it’s not your fault.

The problem is, 99% of coaching frameworks focus on the wrong thing.

They focus on behaviors and emotions when the root issue is an unmet need in a person’s life. 

Here’s how it works: 

The unmet need results in feelings and emotions, which then lead to behaviors. By focusing on the root of the issue, you cut through all the fluff, so you can get straight to solutions that work.

Almost all human problems boil down to an unmet need in a person’s life.

If you want to transform people’s lives, help them with their unmet need.

This might sound oversimplified, but I want to give you a clear starting point for your sessions.

This should serve as your baseline.

Instead of wading through a sea of different frameworks and concepts trying to figure out which one to use for which client, focus on identifying the unmet need and how you can add it to the person’s life.

I call this need their “Primal Question”, and it’s the thing underneath the thing that drives everything.

Here’s your action item:

Next time you have a session with a client, go deeper than just behaviors and deeper than just emotions.

Ask them, “What is it you really need?” or “What deeper need are you trying to meet through this behavior?”

Then, have a conversation exploring all the creative ways to healthily meet their need.

If you can do this, you will transform lives and build a thriving practice.

Thanks for reading,

Mike Foster

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